Memories of a Childhood Forgotten
by Jayne Leigh
Summary: Marshall's brothers have always been the ones to look out and protect him but when Tommy turns up unexpectedly on his doorstep and Marshall see how much a mess his brother's life is; he starts to remember their childhood and has to face his own demons.
1. Chapter 1

**Okay, so I know it's been a while since I've posted but I'm still here. This November, I participated and completed, NaNoWriMo. If you've never heard of it, it's where you have to write 50,000 words in just 30days. It was a lot of fun but after it was over, I found myself struggling to write plus with Christmas, I've been busy. I have been working on a lot of updates for my current fics but haven't seem to be getting anywhere. This is a series fic that I've been working on for a while and have a few chapter already finished. I'm hoping by posting this and getting some reviews (if there is anyone out there still reading) might motivate me and getting me writing more. So please let know what you think of this. Thanks! **

**Enjoy! **

**Memories of a Childhood Forgotten **

Marshall frowned when he pulled into his driveway and saw a dark figure sat on his porch steps. Mary and he had left the office together so knew it couldn't be her and he struggled to think of anyone else that would turn up at his house unannounced. Whoever it was, looked up but didn't get to their feet and Marshall kept one hand on his glock as he exited the car.

"Don't shoot…I come in peace."Came a jokingly call.

Marshall's hand dropped away from the gun. "Tommy?"

His older brother got to his feet and met Marshall halfway down the driveway. Tom pulled him in for a manly hug, slapping him on back before stepping back.

"I've been sat here for almost an hour waiting for you to turn up."

"I had to work late….You should have called, I would have left a key for you." Marshall told him as they both made their way to the front door.

"I didn't know I was coming until I got here…" He shrugged. "I figured you were bound to come home sometime, so decided to wait."

He looked at him curiously. "What do you mean you didn't know you were coming here?"

"Can we get inside and have a drink before we get into that?" Tom sighed, grabbing his bag once they reached the porch.

Marshall studied him while he got his keys out. "Okay, sure…"

Tom followed him inside, looking around as Marshall led him to the kitchen. It was the first time he had ever been to visit his younger brother in New Mexico and he was starting to feel pretty guilty about it when he realized it had been almost two years since they last saw each other.

"Are you hungry?" Marshall asked, pulling open the fridge and grabbing two bottles of beers. "I haven't got much food in…I was going to order takeout."

"Whatever is fine." Tom told him, accepting the beer. "I'm sorry to drop in on you like this…"

"You're okay though, right?" Marshall asked, leaning back against the counter. "I mean, I guessing you're not here because you happen to be working in the area…"

"I'm taking some time off work." He admitted.

"You are?" Marshall's eyebrows rose in surprised. Tom was a US Marshal too, just like their older brother Nick.

"Yeah, I just need a break." Tom looked down at the floor. "Just need to get my head straight."

Marshall frowned a little, unused to seeing his brother like this. "Did something happen?"

"You know how it is…" Tom forced a small smile. "Long hours and hard work…"

"What about Connie and the kids?" Marshall questioned. "You didn't want to spend some time with them?"

"I'm kinda of taking a break from them too…"

"What? Tom?"

"It's complicated." He insisted.

"They're your family." Marshall stated. "You can't just walk away from them."

"I didn't walk away." He claimed firmly but then sighed. "Connie…She asked me go."

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing…"

"A 15 year old marriage just doesn't break up…" Marshall pointed out. "Is there someone else?"

"No…it's nothing like that…I've just been having a hard time lately and she thought it would be best if I got away for a while."

"What do you mean a hard time?"

"There was a case at work…" He started and then ran his hand over his face. "I don't really want to talk about it but I let it get to me….I got to close to the people involved."

"Are you talking to anyone about it?"

"They department assigned a shrink to me but I refused."

"Tom…" Marshall sighed.

"Don't bother…I've heard it all before…" Tom cut him off. "I got my boss refusing to let me back to work until this doctor signs that I'm fit…I got Connie telling me I need to deal with my issues…Mom wants to fix everything and Dad just goes on about how it will look on my record."

Marshall suddenly felt sympathy for his brother and fell silent.

"I was hoping we could hang out." Tom continued after taking a deep breath. "Let me get my head on straight so I can deal with everything when I go back."

"Sure…If that's what you want."

"Great." He finished the rest of his beer in one more mouthful and opened the fridge and helped himself to another. "So, what you thinking of ordering for dinner?"

Marshall followed his lead, finish off his own beer, musing how quickly he fell back into the role of copying his big brother at everything.

"Pizza?"

"Sounds good…"

"I'll order if you want to take a shower or something." Marshall pulled out his cell phone. "Guest room is to the left at the top of the stair…I'm sure you'll be able to find anything else you need."

"Thanks, kid." Tom slapped his shoulder as he moved passed him. "I really appreciate this."

"Of course…any time." Marshall answered, giving him a small smile and watched him walking out of the kitchen, down the hall and up the stairs before he sighed. Something was not right with his brother and if it was anyone else, Marshall would probably know how to deal with it but he never could with either of his brothers. They took care of him…always have done but now Marshall was wondering whether it was time to step up to the plate and reverse the roles or if Tom just needed somewhere to hide out for a while. He shook his head a little to clear it as he dialed the number for the local pizza delivery, deciding that he would see how the rest of the night went.

_**XxXxX**_

"_**Shhh, Marshall…Don't cry." **_

_**Three year old Marshall looking up at his older brother and wanted to do what he said but his lip kept trembling and his eyes kept watering. **_

"_**Want Mama…" He sobbed. **_

"_**Come on, it's just a little scrapped knee." Nicky smiled at him, running his fingers gently over the wound. "No big deal…You don't need Mom…you got me and Tommy." **_

_**He looked doubtful at the older boy as his other brother came back with a Band-Aid. "Look, Marshall…I got a green one…Your favorite color." **_

_**He frowned and wiped his eyes with his sleeve. "It hurts." **_

"_**I know but we'll make it better." Nicky promised as he covered the graze then moved his fingers behind his brother's knee, knowing it was ticklish spot. **_

_**Marshall squirmed trying to get away from him but finally gave in and started laughing. Nicky and Tommy looked at each other and grinned before each grabbing one of Marshall's hands, pulling to his feet. **_

"_**Come on…let's get to bed." **_

_**Marshall looked up at his older brother with sad eyes. "Can I sleep in your bed?" **_

_**Nicky put an arm around his shoulder and guided him over to the bunk bed he shared with Tommy. "Only if you promise not to steal all the covers this time."**_

_**Marshall giggled. "Okay, I promise." **_

Marshall woke up with a start, his heart racing as his mind want over the dream he had. It quickly came back to him and wondered why it had such an effect on him. He wondered why his mind was making him relive something so forgettable that had happened over 35 years ago. As far as dreams go, that was nowhere near as terrifying as one he had previously. It hadn't been that long ago he had been shot and the nightmares he suffered after that as well as Mary's kidnapping would be enough to put someone off sleep for life. This was nothing, he told himself, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath but after five minutes, he was still thinking about it. He forced him up and out of bed with a groan to make his way out the bedroom but once he reached the top of the stairs he stopped. He could hear the TV on downstairs and a quick look at the open guest bedroom door told him his brother wasn't in bed. He sighed and turned around, heading back to bed, wondering whether his dream was just a reminder of how much his brothers took care of him when younger and how he had no idea what to do now it was Tom's turn for help.

**TBC**

**So, that's the start. Anyone interested in some more? Please review! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Aw yay! Thank you for the reviews! Please keep them coming! **

**Enjoy!**

**Memories of a Childhood Forgotten **

"So, that's it? Leanne is good now?" Mary looked up from the report in front of her on the conference table to Shelley who sat opposite.

"I wouldn't say she's good, Mary…" Shelley almost laughed at Mary's question. "But she's getting there slowly…It takes time."

"Right but she's through with seeing you?" Mary asked.

"I'll check in on her in a few months and I've told her to get you guys to contact me if at any time she needs to talk but yes, she's done with the weekly sessions."

"Great…Now she can get started on her new life…"

Leanne Granger, previously Grant had been on her honeymoon with husband Kyle when they stumbled across a drug deal going down. Kyle had stepped in front of the bullet meant for his new wife and died in her arms. Shelley had been called in to help Leanne with her grieving for the last five months and while Mary understood it took time, she was glad that Leanne now seemed to be moving forward.

"You've been pretty quiet today." Shelley looked across at Marshall.

"Sorry, I had a late night and not enough coffee this morning." He replied, giving her small smile.

"Late night?" Mary repeated. "I thought you were heading straight home after work yesterday?"

"I did." He answered her before looking back towards Shelley. "Actually, while you're here, could I get a professional opinion?"

"Of course."

"If there was a marshal who didn't want to talk to you even though their boss insisted, what would happen next?"

"Well, it would depend on why their boss wanted them to talk to me." Shelley answered, casting a look in Mary direction.

"He's not talking about me…." She rolled her eyes but then frowned a little, mentally thinking back over the last couple of weeks, wondering if there was something she had forgotten before looking at her partner. "Wait…You're not, right? What has Stan said now?!"

"No, I'm not talking about you." He assured her.

"What's going on then?" She asked.

He sighed. "My brother turned up at my house last night…"

"He's in law enforcement?" Shelley queried.

"He's a marshal." Marshall gave her a nod.

"And he is refusing to talk to someone?" Shelley questioned, continuing when he nodded again. "Well, if his boss wants to him to talk someone then I doubt he would be allowed back into field before he does."

Marshall sighed, already had guessed that. "Yeah…"

"Do you know why he has to have a psyche evaluation?"

"No."

"What? You didn't bug him until he told you?" Mary cut in as she stood up and started gathering the paperwork.

"He said he didn't want to talk about it." Marshall stated, giving her a look.

"Are you guys close?" Shelley asked.

"I guess…" Marshall shrugged a little. "Probably not as close as we were when we were kids…"

"Are we really doing this?" Mary groaned. "You know, we're already behind on work today, right?"

"Actually, I'm going to need the rest of Leanne's notes before I can officially end our sessions…" Shelley said.

"I'll go grab them…Anything to get out of listening to a re-run of the Brady Bunch."

"Thanks." Shelley smiled at her, watching her leave before turning back to Marshall. "So, is he older then you?"

"Yeah, Tom is three years older…Then there is Nick who is 5 years older than me."

"So, you're the baby of the family."

"I guess so…"

"And you don't think that he would talk to you?"

"I don't know…We've never really talked about things like that or rather they don't really talk to me about their problems." He admitted. "I'm still their kid brother."

Shelley smiled a little. "Why haven't you asked him?"

"He would tell me if he wanted to me know." Marshall reasoned.

"You don't think him turning up at your house isn't him asking for help?"

"He just needs somewhere to hide out for a while…" He shrugged. "Our brother, Nick lives near him so he would still have my parents hassling him about sorting everything out."

"And that's a bad thing?"

"Sometimes you just need a break from everything."

Shelley was a little surprise; Marshall had always been the one in this office to encourage people to be open with their feelings. To hear him willing to take a step back and let someone deal with their problems alone, just didn't seem right.

"Did something happen between you two?" Shelley pressed. "You said you were close when you were younger… What changed that?"

"I moved away to college and he was focusing on his career, I guess we both got too busy…" Marshall frowned as he thought back, how the first few months he was in college he had been terrified and just wanted to go home. It was Nick who he spent hours on the phone every night and convinced him to just stick at it. "I didn't even go to his wedding…"

"Why not?" Shelley asked, noting that he looked lost in thought.

"I had just finished college at the time… I was in Europe." Marshall tried to act like it wasn't a big deal. "Tom and Connie got married pretty quickly after they got engaged….I didn't have time to get back."

Shelley didn't believe that was the entire truth but could see Mary heading their way through the conference room's window and knew he would clam up even more when she re-entered the room. "Let him know that you're there for him if he wants to talk…maybe the reason he chose to spend time with you is because you're the one person that he hasn't had problems with."

"Maybe…" Marshall replied but didn't sound convinced.

"Here you go." Mary walked in, holding a folder out towards Shelley. "You two done with your girls' talk?"

Shelley saw the mask slip back down over Marshall's face and she wondered whether anyone knew the true person he was hiding or if he put this front on for everyone.

"Thanks." Shelley took the file but barely glanced at it before placing it on the table. "Right, well I'm done here…"

"Thanks for all your help…." Marshall said.

"Of course…think about what I said." She lifted her bag onto her shoulder and squeezed his arm as she passed him. "And if you ever need someone to talk to than you have my number."

Marshall just gave her a small smile and Mary looked back and forward between them.

"Wait…did she just make up an excuse to get me out of the room?" Mary asked her partner as the door closed behind Shelley.

Marshall rolled his eyes. "You were the one complaining about listening to us talking."

"What did she mean to think about what she said…and for you to call her?" Mary demanded, watching as he gathered his things from on the table. "You're not dating her again, are you?"

"Why would it matter if I was?" He glanced up at her.

"Well, it didn't exactly work out to good the last time, did it?"

"We went for one coffee…It wasn't date." He sighed and crossed the room to the door. "And we were just talking about family."

"Family?" She repeated as she followed him. "You were talking to her about your brother?"

"Mare, let it go…."

"Do I get to meet him?" She continued, taking a seat at her own desk while Marshall headed for his. "Which one is it? Tim or Mick?"

"Tommy or Nicky." He replied but then corrected himself. "Tom and Nick."

"Whatever…"

"It's Tom…He's just staying with me for a few days…I don't think he really wants to meet people."

"I'm not people…I'm your partner."

"He's going through some stuff, Mare…just leave it."

Mary just stared at him for a few seconds, not used to him being distant and thought back over the morning, realizing he had been like it all day.

"Marshall?" She said questionable.

He sighed. "Just leave it, Mare…Please?"

"Okay." She agreed but was still watching him closely. "You want to get dinner tonight?"

"I can't…Sorry." He turned back to his computer monitor. "Tom and I have plans."

She waited, hoping he would invite her because that who Marshall was; never wanting anyone to feel left out but after a few minute of silence, she gave up. "Okay, another night then…"

"Sure…" He mumbled his mind already somewhere else.

_**XxXxX**_

"So, mom called me earlier…" Marshall started after they had been eating in silence for over 30 minutes. When Marshall had got home, he had found his brother already drinking and claiming he was too tired to go out so Marshall had cooked. "Said you were ignoring her calls."

Tom shrugged a little. "I didn't feel like listening to a lecture."

"She's worried about you…Says you've not been acting yourself…"

Tom sighed and dropped his cutlery. "Are you really doing this?"

"I want to help…"

"Then shut up." He rubbed his eyes. "Give me some space…The reason I came here is because I thought I could get away from everything and just have a bit of fun."

Marshall knew if it was anyone else he would probably be pushing for them to open to but there was just something about his brothers that he couldn't do that with.

"Okay, sorry…" He gave in. "It's just I don't know what to do to help you."

"Help me forget." Tom told him. "I've been a crappy brother to you over the last couple of years…let me make it up to you…"

"You haven't!" Marshall protested. "You've always been there for me… It's me that stayed away from the family."

"We both know why you did and I don't blame you…hell, Nick and I encouraged you."

"Yeah…" Marshall said quietly. "I just wish I could do something for you."

Tom flashed him a smile. "You cooked me steak and let me hide out here…I think, that makes us pretty even."

Marshall returned the smile but only half heartily because in his mind, they were nowhere near even.

The silence was broken again ten minutes later when Marshall's cell phone rang. Glancing at the caller ID, expecting Stan or Mary, he was surprised to see it was his Mom again.

"It's mom…" Marshall told Tom. "Don't worry, I'll tell her you're okay."

"Thanks, kid." Tom stood and moved to the fridge to get more beer.

"Hey Mom." He greeted. "Yeah, I spoke to him…He's fine…just needs some space…I'm serious, Mom, just let him do what he wants… Oh, you want to talk to him?"

Tom looked up quickly and shook his head.

"Uh, well he's not here…he's gone out." Marshall told her. "He went for a run… yeah, it'll probably be late when he gets back and he'll be tired so he'll speak to you another time…Don't worry about him, he's fine….Okay, yeah, I love you too."

"Sorry to drag you into this." Tom said once Marshall had cancelled the call. "I owe you."

"We're brothers…we stick together." Marshall answered, although he had always hated lying to his mom.

"Even so, I want to make it up to you…How about tomorrow night, we go out for some drinks?" Tom suggested. "My treat."

Marshall smiled a little. "Sounds good."

"Great." Tom grinned. "A good night out, just what I need."

"_**Mama, I'm thirsty…"**_

_**Laura Mann turned to face her youngest son who was stood in the doorway which led to the backyard. "Marshall! You're filthy." **_

_**Seth, who was sat at the kitchen table glanced up from his paper and chuckled. "Honey, he's a four year old boy… they're supposed to get dirty." **_

_**Laura sighed. "It looks like he's been rolling around in the mud…"**_

"_**We were playing marshals!" He grinned, "Nicky made Tommy be the bad guy this time and I got to arrest him." **_

_**Laura shot her husband a look. "This is your fault." **_

_**Seth rolled his eyes and stood up. "It's just a game…You don't want to be a marshal when you grow up, do you?" **_

_**"I'm already a Marshall…" He stated. "So, when I grow I'm going to be a teacher…or a doctor…or something else." **_

"_**See, your baby is going to be fine in a nice safe job." He glanced at her before picking Marshall up and placing him on the counter so he wouldn't get mud all over the kitchen floor. **_

"_**Hmmm…" Laura still wasn't convinced, as she poured out a glass of milk. She slid it across the counter towards her son before heading for the door. "You stay there until I get you cleaned up." **_

_**Marshall didn't reply but did as he was told and drank his milk. Seth pulled the cookies out of the cupboard, handing him one before taking one for himself. **_

"_**Seth…" Laura sighed when she re-entered with a wash cloth. "Dinner is in an hour, you'll spoil his appetite." **_

"_**One won't do any harm." He ruffled his Marshall's hair. "Right, son?"**_

"_**Nope, I promise I'll eat all my dinner." Marshall claimed. **_

"_**Good, lad…" Seth winked at him before going back to the table and his paper. **_

_**Laura knew there was no point in continuing the conversation so instead went about getting Marshall cleaned up. After soaking the cloth in warm water, she began wiping the mud off his face and then down his arms.**_

"_**It would have probably been easier to stick you in the bathtub…" Laura commented, realizing there was more dirt then she first thought. **_

"_**Or just hose him down in the yard." Seth quip, smiling a little when he was rewarded with the predicted giggle from his son. **_

"_**Okay, let's get this t-shirt off…" Laura took hold of the bottom of it and Marshall lifted his arms up. Once it was off, she dropped onto the counter beside him and was about to run the cloth down his arm when a dark purple bruise caught her attention. "Marshall, honey…what did you do to your arm?" **_

_**She noticed her son tensing when she moved closer to examine it. "I um…fell." **_

"_**You fell?" Seth repeated re-joining them to see what had his wife sounding so concerned. **_

"_**Uh-huh." He nodded and swallowed nervously.**_

"_**Thomas! Nicholas!" Laura yelled out to the backyard. "Get in here!" **_

_**Seth stepped in his wife's place by their youngest, running his own fingers over the wound and instantly knew it wasn't caused by a fall but by someone gripping too tightly on the arm. **_

"_**What, mom?" Tommy almost whined when they entered the kitchen. "You said dinner wouldn't be ready for ages yet…"**_

"_**What did you do to your brother?" She placed her hands on her hips. **_

_**Both boys looked past her to Marshall who was still sat on the kitchen counter, looking like he was about to burst into tears. **_

"_**We were playing…" Nicky frowned in confusion. "He was okay when he came in…"**_

"_**Look at his arm…" Laura gestured towards him. "He did not get the bruise from falling over…"**_

"_**Laura…" Seth sighed. "They're young boys…they roughhouse…it's what they do."**_

"_**He's a lot smaller than the two of you…" Laura continued. "You have to be more careful…Do you understand?" **_

"_**Yes, Mom…" They both answered together.**_

"_**I want to go play again…" Marshall went to jump down to the floor but Seth stopped him. **_

"_**No, you need to finish getting cleaned up before dinner…" Laura told him. **_

"_**But…" **_

"_**Its okay, Marshall." Nicky said, slipping off his sneakers. "We won't go back outside…We'll stay in and do some reading with you." **_

"_**Yeah, we'll even let you pick the book." Tommy added, taking his own shoes off. **_

"_**Okay." Marshall grinned and this time Seth helped him jump down to the floor. **_

"_**We'll help him get cleaned up first." Nicky looked up to his mother while he put an arm around his youngest brother's shoulder. **_

"_**Thank you." She replied softly, watching them go, noticing that neither of the older boys were as nearly as muddy as Marshall but that wasn't surprising since the younger seemed to be more clumsy…always eager to keep up with his brothers and ended up covered in all kinds of bruises and scrapes.**_

"_**They're just being boys…" Seth tried to assure her once they were alone. "They don't mean to hurt him."**_

"_**They're too rough with him." She replied. "He's only little." **_

"_**It'll do him some good." He kissed her forehead. "Toughen him up a bit."**_

"_**He doesn't need toughening up…he's perfect as he is." **_

"_**Yes, for a four year old but at some point, he'll see that world can be rough and cruel." **_

"_**Well, I would like it if he could just stay a baby for a little while longer… the other two already don't need me." **_

_**Seth laughed lightly and squeezed her hand. "You're their mom…they'll always need you." **_

A balled up piece of paper hit him in the face, causing him to snap back to reality and look towards his partner, who was already aiming another ball at him. 

"What?" He asked, unfolding the paper and read it.

"I've been talking to you for five minutes and you just sat there staring into space." She lowered her arm now he was paying attention again.

"So? I finally managed to master the skill of tuning you out." He shrugged, electing a chuckle from Eleanor and causing Mary to launch the paper ball at him. "Did you need something?"

"I was asking you about lunch." She told him. "What's with you today?"

He ran a hand over his eyes. "Nothing…"

"Is it about your brother again?"

"How is he doing?" Eleanor questioned. "Did you get the bottom to why he is here?"

"He's here to see me." Marshall replied, shortly.

"Seriously, what is up with you?" Mary threw her hands up. "You going to be this moody the whole time he is here?"

"Why is it such a big deal?" He asked. "So what my brother has come to visit me…It's what family do."

"I didn't mean anything by it." Eleanor cut in. "I'm sorry, if I upset you…"

Marshall sighed. "Forget about it…its fine."

"Let's get a drink tonight…" Mary suggested. "We can talk."

"Sorry, I can't…" He stood up.

"Where you going?"

"To get the lunch order." He held up the crumbled bit of paper she had thrown at him. "This is what that is, isn't it?"

"Marshall…"

"I'll be back in 15 minutes." He said before the door closed behind him.

"I don't care what he says...Something is going on and it started when his brother turned up." Mary looked over to Eleanor. "We need to find out what happened."

"Oh let me guess….You want me to do some digging?" Eleanor predicted.

Mary grinned. "Great idea…Thanks, Eleanor."

"Uh-huh…I'm doing this for Marshall…Not you."

"Whatever you say."

**TBC**

**Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Again, thanks for the reviews! Glad I seem to have you all intrigued. Please keep the reviews coming! **

**Enjoy! **

**Memory of a Childhood Forgotten**

The next morning, Mary found herself stood on Marshall's doorstep, ringing the bell for a second time when there was no answer. It was Saturday, Stan had given them a rare weekend off, so Mary was hoping to spend some time with her partner and find out what was really going on with him since Eleanor had yet to come up with any information.

"What?" Tom opened the door with a groan, leaning heavily against the frame and squinting against the bright sunlight.

Mary was taken aback by someone else answering Marshall's door at the first but quickly recovered, realizing who it was. "You must be Tom."

He rubbed his eyes. "I was the last time I checked but I have no idea what happened last night, so who knows now…"

Mary smirked. "A mark of a good night."

"What I can remember of it, it was…" He mumbled.

"I'm Mary." She told him. "Marshall's partner."

"Right." He nodded. "Come in, I guess."

He turned and walked down the hallway, leaving her to close the door and follow him to the kitchen.

"Coffee?" He offered as he pressed a few buttons on the machine that he had no idea how to actually use.

"Sure." Mary glanced around but saw no sign of her partner. "So, where's Marshall? Has he gone out?"

Tom leaned back against the counter and held his head in his hands, rubbing circles on his temples. "Still in bed."

Mary frowned, glancing at the clock on the wall. "It's almost 11am…Marshall never stays in bed this late."

"He didn't get in till around six." Tom stated, pouring them each a mug of coffee.

"You guys stayed out until 6am?" Mary asked in surprised.

"Nah, I gave in around three and came home." He told her. "I must be getting old or something…I used to be able go all night."

"So, Marshall stayed out without you?"

"He met some girl…went to a party with her." Tom shrugged, pulling open the fridge in search for some breakfast.

"Oh…"

Tom glanced back at her. "What?"

"Huh?"

"You got this look on your face like I just told you Santa Clause isn't really…"

"It's just that this isn't like Marshall." Mary claimed.

"What? Going out and having fun?"

"This isn't his kind of fun..."

Tom raised an eyebrow. "Just because he doesn't do it every weekend, doesn't mean he can't enjoy it every now and then…"

"I'm not saying that…"

"Then what are you saying?"

"Nothing…" Mary sighed. "Just that I thought I know him better."

"Well, everyone has secrets, right?" Tom went back to look in the fridge.

Mary wanted to argue, wanted to insist that Marshall didn't keep secrets but the more she thought about it, the more she realized that she might not know Marshall as well she was thought she did. 

She was debating whether she should go or not when they heard movement from the floor above and after a few minutes, there were footsteps on the stairs. Mary had already entered the hallway when she realized it was two sets of footsteps, not just one.

"I had a really great time." An unfamiliar female voice said, causing Mary to freeze halfway down the hall.

"Yeah, me too…" Marshall added just as they came into view.

"I'm sorry I have to leave so soon but I've got to get to class." She turned to face him once they reached the front door.

Marshall leaned down, dropping a quick kiss on her lips. "I understand…"

"Make sure you call me." She pouted a little, running her hands over his chest and around his neck.

"Of course." He hesitantly placed his hands on her waists when she reached up and kissed him.

Mary couldn't help but stare at them. Both of them obviously still dressed in the same clothes from the night before. She had a few nights like it herself in the past but it wasn't something she thought Marshall was capable of.

"Thanks for a great night." The woman stepped back and grinned up at him.

"You too." Marshall reached over and unlocking the door, holding it opened for her. "Have fun in class."

She leaned up one more time and kissed his cheek. "Bye."

"Bye." Marshall stayed at the door, watching as she walked down the driveway towards the cab that was waiting.

"Class?" Mary questioned, startling him and causing him turn around quickly then groaning in pain at the sudden movement. "You're dating students now?"

"She's a law student…and she's actually 26." He answered.

"26? Wow…" Mary started sarcastically.

"What?" Marshall asked.

"Nothing…just 26 is pretty young."

Marshall rolled his eyes and moved passed her. "You do know we've got today off? Wait a minute; it's still the weekend, right?"

"Yeah, lover boy…don't worry, you didn't sleep your weekend away."

"Coffee?" Tom held a cup out to him when he entered the kitchen.

Marshall groaned and shook his head, sitting down and dropped his head to the table.

"You need some fried food." Tom told him, pulling from eggs and bacon out the fridge. "Best hangover cure there is."

"I think I might throw up…" Marshall mumbled at the mention of food.

"You need some sugar…Let's go to the place where they do the maple syrup pancakes." Mary suggested, wanting to get her partner away from his brother and find out what exactly was happening. He did not go out and get drunk and he did not do one nightstands.

"Thanks but I think I'm going to pass on both." Marshall replied, forcing himself to his feet.

"Where you going?" Mary asked.

"I'm going to head to the gym for a few hours." He told her.

"Run the pain away?" Tom questioned.

Marshall stood and looked at him for a few seconds, wondering whether he was still talking about the hangover.

"Marshall?" Mary waved a hand in front of his face.

"A bit of exercise to get the blood pumping." He snapped back to the present and headed for the door. "You both welcome to join me…"

"It's our day off!" Mary complained.

"Yeah, no way…I'm technically on vacation." Tom called after him.

Marshall couldn't help but smile a little, already know that would be their reactions.

_**XxXxX**_

After being home for only ten minutes, Mary changed her mind and grabbed her gym kit. She hated that there was something going on with her partner that she had no clue what it was. Maybe after the workout she could convince him to go to lunch and get him to open up. She wasn't used to being the one that had to work to get a conversation between them going.

When she entered the gym, she saw him on the treadmill, running at a steady pace, staring ahead with his headphones in. She groaned, she hated running especially on a treadmill but moved to the one beside him. She glanced at the speed on the screen in front of him and set her own to the same even though it was a faster pace than she was used to. She frowned a little, when she realized he hadn't noticed her presence or was pretending like he hadn't.

Marshall was once again, lost in his thoughts. He thought about Tom's comment about running the pain away. That's what he has always done, as long as he could remember. Whenever he could, he would put his childhood out of his mind. He spent a lot of time and effort changing his life and himself so his bad experiences didn't affect his life now…He had moved on and was a different person. He didn't want anything to change that but there were time when the memories just wouldn't stop coming…

"_**But why do you have to go?" **_

_**Laura Mann sighed and turned away from the mirror where she had been brushing her hair to face her youngest son who was sat on the bed watching her.**_

"_**Marshall, honey…You know I have to go to work." **_

"_**I don't want you to go." He pouted. "I don't feel good." **_

_**She frowned and knelt down in front of him, pushing his hair back and led her palm against his forehead. "You don't have a temperature." **_

"_**My tummy hurts." **_

"_**When did this start?" **_

"_**Just now…" **_

"_**Darling, are you ready to get going?" Seth asked as he entered the room, stopping in the doorway and took in the scene. "Ah, that's where you got to…Go and get your bag, your brothers are ready and waiting downstairs." **_

"_**He says he doesn't feel well…" Laura told her husband, running her fingers through Marshall's hair.**_

_**Seth sighed. "Honey, he does this every time." **_

"_**If he says…"**_

"_**Marshall." Seth moved to stand in front of their son. "If you really don't feel well then Grandma will take care of you…"**_

"_**But I want Mama." He whimpered but stayed looking at his Mom, knowing his father wouldn't break. **_

"_**Mama needs to go take care of some really sick people at the hospital tonight." Seth told him. "And I need to go to work to…" **_

"_**To catch the bad guys?" Marshall looked up at him. **_

"_**Yep, that's right…"**_

"_**Can't I come with you?" **_

_**Seth laughed and shook his head. "Grandma is looking forward to you spending the night." **_

_**Marshall sighed and hung his head. **_

"_**Go wait with your brothers." Seth told him again but this time softer and ruffled his hair gently. **_

"_**Maybe I should stay home…" Laura watched her baby walk out the bedroom, his head down and shoulder slumped. "I could call Tessa and see if she'll swap shifts…" **_

"_**Honey, he's not sick." Seth told her. "You can't just cancel everything because he wants to stay home…He needs to learn."**_

"_**He's just a little boy, Seth." **_

"_**I know but we're not sending to some strange place alone…He's going to my parents' house." He reminded her. "You know my mother, she will smoother him with love and Nicky and Tommy will be with him." **_

_**Laura sighed. "I know they'll take care of him but when he gives me that look…" **_

"_**It's those eyes of his." Seth squeezed her hand, letting her know he understands. "But he'll be okay." **_

A hand waving in front of his face startled Marshall and he had to press the emergency button to stop the treadmill before he fell.

"Mary?" He looked at her, both of them trying to catch their breath. "What the hell?"

"Are you trying to kill me?" She questioned with her hands on her knees, waiting for her heart to stop pounding. "Jesus, how were you able to go that fast for so long?!"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're doing that insane setting!" She gestured to the treadmill.

He rolled his eyes and grabbed his towel that he had hung over the machine to dry the sweat off his face. "You copied my setting to try and keep up with me…Not everything is a competition, Mare."

"Yeah, I'll remember that next time…" She bent over again, still trying to catch her breath. "You training for a speed marathon or something?!"

"I wasn't really thinking about how fast or far I was going…" He shrugged, stepping off the machine. "What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you had a rule about working out on your days off."

"I got bored." She answered. "I figured you might want the company."

"Right…" He headed over to the rowing machines, knowing she was only there to fish for information and he wasn't going to make it easy for her. "Well, I guess having someone to work out with always helps with the motivation."

"You want motivation? Want me to stand next to you and shout motivating phrases?" She smirked as he set the rowing machine up to how he wanted it.

"You know, I can see you as the drill sergeant type." He commented as started slowly to build a strong rhythm. "But it's okay if you don't want to…"

"What does that mean?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

"The rower isn't really something you like to go on so…" He trailed off, not needing to finish because he knew how his partner would react.

"You think I can't keep up with you?" She was already moving to the machine next to Marshall's and missed the smirk on his face.

"You don't have to prove anything to me…" Marshall claimed innocently as increased his speed.

"Shut up." She told him as she started at a quick pace to catch up with him.

They worked out for another 30 minutes and despite everything going on with his brother, his past memories and the huge hangover, Marshall was actually feeling better.

"I know what you did by the way…" Mary announced as she walked into the room and dropped onto the bench next him.

"Mary!"

"What?"

"This is the men's locker room." He pointed out, pulling on a clean t-shirt.

She rolled her eyes. "Please, it's not like I haven't seen it all before…"

"I don't believe you've ever seen it on me."

"I meant in general, idiot." She stated. "I never took you for one to freak out about a girl seeing you topless..."

"I'm not freaking out." He stated calmly as he finished putting the rest of his stuff into his gym bag. "But the other members might not appreciate your presence."

"Yeah right, they'd probably love it." She claimed. "Anyway, it wouldn't be a problem if it didn't take you so damn long to get ready…I mean, seriously…I thought it was guy that was meant to be waiting for the girl."

"Why is it after spend five minutes with you makes me want to do another 20 miles on the treadmill?" He asked rhetorically and slung his bag over his shoulder.

"Because you're insane." She answered as she got to her feet again when he was ready and couldn't help but groan a little.

"You okay?" He asked, trying to hide a smile as he watched attempting to loosen her sore muscles.

"Shut up." She glared at him. "You did this on purpose."

"Did what exactly?"

"Forced me to exercise…" She followed him towards the door, resenting that he seemed more energized now than he did before the workout.

"You turned up on your own…"

"Then you tricked me into competing with you."

"You're just a sore loser." He shot back.

"I did not lose!" She claimed, punching him in the arm but was taken aback by him flinching.

She had hit him many times during their partnership and it had always been when they were joking around. She had never seen him react like that before…She swore she had seen fear flash in his eyes.

"That couldn't have hurt…I barely put any power into it." She watched him closely.

"Yeah, you hit like a girl…" He tried to cover up his reaction.

"Marshall? " She said questioningly. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine, Mare." He sighed. "Just hung over…"

"Why don't I believe that?" She asked as they stepped outside.

"Believe what you want." He shrugged. "Thanks for the workout, see you later…"

"Marshall?!" She called after him but he didn't stop or turn to look back.

**TBC**

**Please review! I would love to hear what you think might be happening! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to everyone who has reviewed! Please keep them coming! **

**Enjoy! **

**Memories of a Childhood Forgotten **

This time when Mary got to Marshall's house, she didn't bother with the bell and instead pounded loudly on the door. She had been hoping Marshall would have gone to lunch with her after their workout where she could have tried to get him to open up about what was going on. It stung when he turned away and walked away from her… In those moments she had literally seen his defense walls going up and she wasn't used to being left stood on the other side, wondering how to get through.

"What?" It was Tom opening the door again and just like before he was leaning against the frame and squinting at the light but when he managed to focus on her, he blinked a couple of times. "Wow, déjà vu…"

Mary rolled her eyes but didn't wait for an invite this time and pushed past him into the house. "Where's Marshall?"

She glanced into the living when she passed it to see it was empty but the coffee table was littered with soda cans, a dirty plate and empty painkiller packets. There was a pillow at one end of the couch and a comforter crumbled up at the other end. With the TV playing cartoons, Mary guessed that Tom was still trying to recover from his hangover.

"He went to gym…" Tom was slower to follower her from the doorway.

"I know I was just with him." Mary stopped in the kitchen and turned to face him. "He didn't come home?"

Tom yawned and ran a hand over his face, leaning back against the wall. "Nope."

"Well, where is he?" She folded her arms.

"I'm his brother not his mother." Tom replied.

"So, he's really not here?" She asked again.

"You can search the house if you want." Tom answered. "Check to see if he's hiding under the bed…"

"Why are you here?" She cut in bluntly.

"In kitchen? I followed you…"

"You know what I mean." She glared at him.

"How about you tell me why you're here." Tom pushed away from the wall to stand up straight. "You said you were just with him…"

"He walked off." Mary told him. "And Marshall never does that…He never walks away from me."

"He's tired and hung-over…" Tom started to suggest.

"Oh cut the crap…Why are you here? What the hell is going on?"

"That's my own business and it has nothing to do with you…"

"You're dragging Marshall into this so it makes it my business…"

"He's my brother and I'm not dragging him into anything!" He said firmly. "I'm here to spend time with him…"

"He's been acting weird since you've got here and I want to know why that is!"

"If he wanted you to know then he would have told you." Tom claimed. "Now if that's all then I'd really like to go back to bed…"

"I swear to god, if anything happens to him…if you do anything to hurt him…" Mary warned.

"He's my brother….I protect him not hurt him." Tom said coolly.

"I know Marshall…I know something is not right." Mary said before moving past him, making sure to bump his shoulder with hers on the way.

"Did you know he has nightmares?"

Mary stopped, taking a second before turning around to face him again. "What?"

"He has nightmares." Tom repeated. "You said earlier that he never stays in bed late…Did you ever think the reason could be because he doesn't sleep well?"

"Why does he have nightmares?" Mary asked quietly but was mostly taking to herself.

"You tell me…" Tom shrugged. "You're the one that knows him so well…"

Mary stared at him as he walked past her. "He's my partner…My best friend."

"So you've said." He pulled open the front door and looked back at her.

"I want to help him." Mary knew that he wanted her to leave but she stayed rooted in the same spot.

"If he wants or needs help, he'll ask for her."

Mary didn't know how to react…she wasn't used to be shutting out of Marshall's life by him and especially not by someone else.

"Was there anything else?"

"Tell Marshall to call me." Mary muttered as she stormed past him out of the house.

Tom closed the door and stayed where he was for a few moments until he heard footsteps coming down the stairs that he turned.

"She's not going to let it go." Tom stated.

"Why did you tell her I have nightmares?" Marshall asked.

"Because you do."

"Tom…"

"Have you spoken to anyone about them?"

"Are you kidding me?" Marshall exclaimed. "You've been suspended from work, kicked out by your wife and hiding from Mom and Dad...All you need to do is see your department shrink to fix it and you're giving me a hard for not sleeping well."

"I know it's a little hypercritical…"

"Yeah, just a bit." Marshall cut in sarcastically turning and heading into the kitchen.

Tom followed him, watching his brother moving around the room, cleaning for a minute before speaking. "Does Nick know?"

"Know what?" Marshall asked shortly, his back still to his brother.

"About the nightmares."

"Does Nick know why you were suspended from work? Why you won't talk to the doctor?" Marshall shot back.

"Yes."

His answered made Marshall turn back to him, not expecting him to say that

"You tell Nick everything." Tom continued.

"Maybe I'm not a little kid anymore… Maybe I've grown up and don't need my big brothers to fix everything for me."

"What do you need fixing?" Tom prompted.

Marshall rolled his eyes and went back to wiping down the counter. "Drop it, Tom."

"Okay." He held up his hands in defeat. "I'll let it go."

"Good."

"Your girl from last night, one of her friends was telling about this party…"

"She's not my girl." Marshall interrupted to correct.

"Whatever…Do you want to go?"

"Not really." Marshall answered. He had enjoyed the night before and spending it with Holly but he wasn't one for partying all night and picking up women… He definitely wasn't the type to do it two nights in a row.

"We can just go out for a drink then." He suggested. "Play a little pool or something…"

Another night of staying out late and drinking was not what Marshall wanted…He wanted to spend the evening cooking a healthy, notorious meal…He wanted to watch a mindless movie…He wanted to call Mary and tell her that he was okay…that he didn't have nightmares…that he wasn't scared… He wasn't weak…That she could still trust him.

Despite all of that he still felt himself agreeing with his brother's plans because that's what his life's goal has always been….To be just like his older brothers.

"Yeah, sounds good."

"Great…Well, I'm going to get some more sleep." Tom said.

"I'll make some lunch for later, then."

"Thanks." Tom smiled. "Oh and Marshall?"

"Yeah?"

"It's our job."

Marshall turned to look at him and frowned. "What is?"

"To fix things for you…" Tom shrugged. "It's mine and Nick's job to protect you…always has been."

Marshall stared after his brother as he walked off down the hallway. "Yeah…."

_**Marshall stayed close to his father as they entered his grandparents' house. They had dropped his mother off at the hospital on the way over and if she had been there, Marshall would have been gripping her hand tightly but Marshall never held his Dad's hand. **_

"_**Come on, boys…let's get those coats off." Cecilia Mann fussed over his older brothers, taking their coats so she could hang them up.**_

"_**And you, young man." She smiled as she turned to Marshall.**_

_**Marshall only moved to stand closer to his Dad, hiding behind his legs slightly.**_

_**Seth sighed and looked down at his youngest, wondering if he had been telling the truth back the house about how he felt. "He says he doesn't feel well." **_

"_**Oh dear…" **_

_**Seth knelt down in front of his son, unzipping his coat and was thankful that Marshall didn't resist him pulling it off but he wasn't surprised…Marshall almost always did what he was told. He made sure to press his palm against the boy's forehead as he removed his hat but there was still no sign of a temperature. **_

"_**I'm sure he'll be okay." Seth stood up again, handing the coat to his mother. It wouldn't make a difference even if Marshall was coming down with an illness…He needed to go to work.**_

"_**I'll keep an eye on him." Cecilia reassured him and then took his place, knelling down in front of her grandson. "How about you help me cook dinner?" **_

"_**Just us?" He questioned quietly. **_

"_**Well, I'm sure your brothers would rather play outside." She glanced at the older boys who were already reaching for their coats again at the words granting them permission for the question they were going to ask once they father had left. **_

"_**Thanks, Grandma!" Nicky grinned widely at her. "Are you coming, Marshall?" **_

"_**It might best if he stay inside if he's not feel well." Cecilia stood up straight and put an arm around her youngest grandson's shoulders. "We'll cook up something nice for dinner, right honey?" **_

_**Marshall looked up at her and smiled for the first time since lunch time. **_

"_**Right, well I need to get to work…" Seth stated, glancing once more down at Marshall. He trusted his mother to take good care of his sons, even if they were sick but for the first ever he felt uneasy about leaving any of them there. "Marshall?" **_

_**Marshall turned back to his Dad when he called his name and was surprised when crouch down in front of him again. **_

"_**Are you going to be okay?" He asked.**_

_**Marshall nodded. "I'll be good, Daddy." **_

"_**I know you will." Seth said softly, smiling a little sadly because he knew Marshall had said that because he thought that was what he wanted to hear. "How about in the morning after Mom has finished work we come and get you and your brothers so we can all go for some breakfast?" **_

_**His little boy's eyes lit up. "Really?" **_

"_**Yeah, we'll go to that place that makes those big pancakes." Seth couldn't help but return the smile and then stood up. "Okay, I need to go." **_

"_**Honey, why don't you go and wash your hands before you get started on dinner." Cecelia suggested.**_

"_**Okay." He nodded.**_

_**She waited until he had gone before looking at her son. "He'll be fine once we get started in the kitchen." **_

"_**Just watch him." Seth still couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. "Where's Dad?" **_

"_**He went to store to get some shopping…He'll be back soon." **_

"_**Right, well you have my office number if you need to get hold of me." **_

"_**We'll be fine, don't worry." Cecelia smiled reassuring and squeezed his forearm. **_

_**Seth nodded and took a few steps into the kitchen, which led out to the backyard. "Thomas, Nicholas." **_

_**His older sons immediately appeared from outside.**_

"_**Yeah, Dad?" **_

"_**I'm leaving now…I'll pick you up early tomorrow for breakfast." **_

"_**Okay…" They both turned to go back to their game.**_

"_**And look after your brother, okay?" Seth added. "You're older, it's your job."**_

"_**Don't worry, Dad…He'll take care of him." Nicky replied, running off to catch up with Tommy.**_

_**TBC**_

**Please review! **


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